3 things you should never do to your vagina.

Oh-la queen *****

Now playing: Wild Cookie by Jill Scott


Thank you for making it this far. I am the P***y Patrol, the chair of the Coochie Commission. And I am here with a message from your vagina.

You’re probably confused, but hold on a moment! You need to hear these things from me, as I am the mouthpiece of the mound

I did something there, you see

Before I bore you to death, here are 3 things your vagina is protesting against; heed, and do better.

1) Feeling ashamed to say the word! We’re all for nicknames, but no hiding behind them. va-gi-na; a word. Not a dirty word, not a word you have to say in low tones. Just a vagina, or whatever the fuck you like to call it.

2) Letting random things in (check also; men). Whatever you’re sticking inside yourself should be germ-free, hazard-free, and utterly worth it. A tad bit difficult given the scarcity of sanity, but doable. All you need to is stay clear off these raggedy n***as and put things where they belong.

3) Forgetting that you deserve the princess treatment. Don’t hurt your body, lady. Please rely on biology and mild soaps for hygiene, not hot water baths or some magic concoction from an old wives fable. Natural antioxidants like grapes and tiger nuts are your best friends; don’t forget pineapples too! Act as your body requires, and don’t spare on the self-love; we hear clockwise motions are reliable.

Adios now, comrades! Into the streets!

my silk robe, your fingers..

I tell you to stop by and you say yes. You ask what I am up to; I say I am burning herbs, a little sage, a whole lotta greens. My eyes, dilated, smudged with black liner, just how you like it.

You want to know what I’m wearing, I know you like the tease. I mention my silk robe, the one you particularly like; colored obsidian and gold. I tell you I have plans of making you mine in this little sanctum, I want to whisper in your mouth, taste your breath and hump you mindlessly. You’re nearly here, and aroused too.

I open the door and I smell you before I feel you. You smell like sin; an exotic combination of coffee, sativa and oud. I tell you you smell rich. I like to tease you; mind and body, so I kiss you, saying you look like sin, like sex, like I could find salvation or fiery flames if I wrapped my legs around your waist. You return my kisses in a way that ignited fire down my body. You suckle my tongue, mimicking the motions you’d make if you had your face buried between my thighs. These thighs that are your undoing; you say you’re obsessed, can never have enough. Amen, you sexy man, there’s always going to be some cake for you.

I like your hands on my skin, so I place them on my body, one on my waist, one on my bum. You squeeze, you squeeze like it’s yours; yes daddy, yes. I make you sit and your teeth finds the sash of my robe, it’s loosely tied; I have been waiting a while…

You go from my robe ties to dark little nubs, you tease the flesh of my skin softly, you tease some more, and then you suck on ‘em. I whimper, softly, you dare me to get braver, louder.. your hands find me; warm and moist, so I oblige. My cries rhyming in tandem to how you circle your fingers; little, soft, steady motions that get me moister. you persist, with me seated on your thighs like..like this pussy is yours. You mutter as you tease my nipples, fingers rubbing my clit. It’s a heady feeling, so I let out a gasp in orgasm, I get louder, and you allow me revel in it. You put your wet fingers inside me, reaching, rubbing, thumb on my clit, playing my insides like a cielo, heavens. My legs begin to quiver, I can feel another orgasm coming.

I get wide-eyed and you look up at me; so fucking sexy. You, looking so sinful, watching me fall apart to your tender motions. When the final tide comes, you rest your lips on mine and kiss me. I moan into your mouth and quiver some more. My eyes open to you smiling, and then you say “Hey you, one more?”

  • This story is purely a work of fiction.
  • Image sourced from Google
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